If You Need to Have a Relationship with a Narcissist…

Sometimes the narcissist is an elderly parent or spouse and for whatever reason, we want or need to keep that relationship in our lives. It could be a karmic bond with a narcissistic mother, or financial reasons, or because you have kids with a narcissistic spouse.

You may not be able to cut contact completely because you are legally, emotionally, or financially bound to the person for the time being. How do you cope with that relationship?

First, accept that you will experience a lot of ups and downs with them. When you stand up for yourself and what you want, they will become upset and start to criticize, devalue, or make you feel bad in some way. You just have to suck it up and deal with it - for as long as you need to keep this relationship. Eventually, they will calm down and get over it and get in a better mood. You may even need to apologize for standing up for yourself and your needs. You will have to get better and building up your shield of armor for when they want to throw darts at you. It's just the way it is with narcissists.

Second, you must cultivate other sources of joy in your life for when times get difficult. Have other friends, hobbies, social activities, and work to get you thru the tough times. Build up these other parts of your life, so that the narcissistic relationship you are in does not affect you so much. Because they WILL get nasty towards you when they don't get what they want or when they feel bad about themselves. It's just their nature. You cannot change this about them. You can only accept narcissists just the way they are.

Third, focus on taking care of yourself. When they get mean toward you, here are your options: take a break, limit contact, or put more mental and emotional space between you and them. When the narcissistic relationship makes you depressed, do something nice for yourself to get you back into a better mood again. It can be as simple as working on your hobby, socializing with great friends, or just getting a massage. Treat yourself often. You deserve it. Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person is a tough job, but you CAN handle it and be happy at the same time!

***Fill out the worksheets in the Psych Bible E-Journal to help you decide how to deal with these kinds of toxic people.