A Bad Relationship is Like a Rollercoaster

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it will be like a roller coaster.  There are plenty of ups and downs because narcissists have good and bad days.  When they feel good, they can be very pleasant to be around.  You can enjoy your time around them. 

When things are going bad in their lives, their negative emotions will spill over into their interactions with you.  They can be nasty, invalidating, critical, shaming, and tear you down over the slightest thing.  

Even a simple difference of opinion will unleash their cruel contempt towards you.  God forbid if you are happy and in a good mood around them when they are miserable - that will give them even more ammunition to poke your happy bubble.

 Often times, narcissists keep a running tally of your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and weaknesses.  When they want to tear you down or make you feel bad, they will tap into their library of information they keep on you and pick at your insecurities.  Their sole purpose is to deflate you and make you miserable.  The look of sadness on your face fills them with joy.  They delight in their ability to make you just as miserable as they are. 

Your first line of defense against this type of relationship is to simply leave.  Cut all ties and do not be around them.  

If you have to stay in the relationship because they are a parent, a spouse, or a boss - then the next best option to is try and manage the relationship the best you can.  Every time you need to deal with them, make sure you have your guard up.  Imagine wearing a suit of armor when you are around them.  Any darts they throw at you will just bounce off and not affect you.  

Also, try to get away and limit contact for as many times as you need to when they start acting mean.  Put as much space between you and the narcissist as possible.  Your first priority should always be to get to a better space and take care of your mental and emotional well-being.

Remember, healthy people do not manipulate others or try to make them feel bad by picking at your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and insecurities.  Find more good people to be around and minimize your time around narcissists. 

***Fill out the worksheets in the Psych Bible E-Journal to help you decide how to deal with these kinds of toxic people.